The New Years when
by Tabitha craft
Summary: Sequel to The Christmas When. Joey and Pacey got it together over Christmas and now they've dated and she wants more. Impending separation is also looming. From Joey's viewpoint this time. Upbeat and seasonal. Please review.


**The New Years when**

It was pretty busy at the ice rink. Not as busy as it had been Boxing Day, but it was still great fun to skate at reasonable speed around and around the rink with her hand being held by Pacey. It wasn't just a movie, or dinner, it was doing something and she loved it.

'You know Witter, you surprise me,' Joey looked at Pacey as they skated around the rink. He looked utterly gorgeous, but then again the guy could pull off utterly gorgeous in a bin bag. She squeezed his hand. She'd rather be squeezing his butt, or pretty much all bits of him, but as they were skating around on ice, hand it was.

'Now how exactly have I surprised you?' he turned to look at her with a chuckle. His eyes were beautifully blue and they just trapped her, but only for a few seconds as a man shouted,

'Watch out,' and her eyes turned quickly back to the rink in time to skate around the edge of a kid using an ice skating assistance stand thing she couldn't think of the name of. She could hear Pacey laughing his ass off as she felt her cheeks burn.

'Let's try and keep the small children safe Potter,' he grinned. 'Now how have I surprised you?' he raised their joined hands to his lips and kissed her hand.

'You're kind of a romantic,' she admitted, pleased with his expression. He looked thrilled with the compliment.

'Well, it's easy to be a romantic with you. I've had a lot, and I mean _a lot_, of time to think up things I'd like to do with you.'

'Care to share any of these fantasies,' boy she could almost imagine. Pacey was apparently extremely good with woman. Everything he did turned her on or turned her gooey inside, or made her mad which was a clear precursor to the turned on and gooey, and if he'd spent some time getting creative - well she was hoping he'd share.

'They are fantasies,' he admitted and even him saying just that, his voice at a low timbre, well she was embarrassed to feel wetness between her legs. He was too damn sexy. Jen's theory was that the years of built up sexual tension were just exploding but as far as Joey was concerned it was something more. Knowing that Pacey could make her come in less than a minute should he so desire, well that just made him irresistible. Knowing that and knowing how much she loved him? Well that was irresistible and then some. It was absolutely necessary that he move to New York, Joey was pretty certain she wouldn't cope with any kind of distance between them at all. Pacey skated them to the edge of the rink, pressing her back against the edge, his hands diving inside her open jacket. She gasped as his thumbs smoothed over the swell of her chest. Oh wow, but she was in trouble. She'd never been thrilled with PDA's but when Pacey was around she didn't seem to have much choice. It was absolutely impossible to stay away from him, to keep any amount of respectable distance.

'I have fantasies of doing bad, bad things with you Joey. Things to make you blush and squirm and feel oh so good,' he nipped at the lobe of her ear and desire surged through her body. She arched herself against him, desperate for a little friction. Heeding her need he pressed against her more firmly. It seemed she wasn't the only one turned on - she smiled. 'I've dreamt up ways to touch you, and have you,' he pressed against her again. Her mind went into overdrive. They hadn't yet had sex. He had taken her request to heart that they date a bit, but he'd been seriously good at making her feel seriously good. He'd also been extremely fun to experiment with, to find out what worked for him. Joey had discovered that she liked touching Pacey, that she really liked turning him on, and she really loved to make him come. 'But you want to know something?' he looked at her with those beautiful, beautiful eyes of his.

'Yeah,' she nodded.

'I've fantasized about the simple stuff too you know. Just kissing you, taking you for dinner, watching a movie and getting to have you in my arms. I've even fantasized about washing up with you.'

'You have washed up with me,' she laughed. He really was the sweetest and sexiest man in the world.

'Well not in quite the way my fantasy had it, okay.'

'Oh I'll bet,' she grinned. She found a dozen images flash through her head including Pacey's mouth on hers, or him stood behind her, in fact naked washing up. Oh she could get behind naked washing up. Wow, but her mind was just full of naked Pacey these days, and usually the thought of him doing delectable things to her. 'So what's your top fantasy at the moment?' she asked, finding it unbelievably cute when he blushed.

'Well... I thought I might cook for you,' he began. She smiled, that would be nice and tasty - Pacey really could cook. 'And you know we could talk, because I need my time with you, always have, always will.'

'I feel like this fantasy is about to take a turn,' she leant forward to kiss him quickly then backed away and looked at him expectantly.

'Then I kind of thought I might show you my uniform...'

'Oh I'd love that,' she interrupted and then flushed at her eagerness. The truth was she was dying to see Pacey in his uniform. He was hot at the best of times but the thought if him dressed in his firefighters uniform soaked her panties.

'Well...that can be arranged, but you see then, well after that I'd like to see you in my uniform and well, very little else.'

'Pacey,' she moaned softly, surprised at the build up of feelings between her legs. He was pressed against her and every movement was electrifying and then with the talk, she truly thought she might come. 'What would you do?'

'That particular fantasy is all about what you'd do,' he moved a hand between their bodies and rubbed her clit. It was a totally subtle movement, her longish coat hiding their bodies.

'Fuck,' she stated into his ear, her breathing erratic. Why had she waited so damn long to make a move, she'd known she wanted him for so long. He was amazing, truly amazing. Oh god, she was going to come. On a public ice rink in front of tons of other people, he was going to make her come. She groaned again.

'I want you so bad Jo,' he whispered and oh god but his need had a good effect on her. 'I think about you all the time and I just want you,' he ground his hard on against her leg, his fingers pressing, moving and flicking in just the right way. She came, she fucking came, her cry into the shoulder of his coat.

'Can't we go home?' she breathed, 'please. I really, really want you too...'

'Nah Potter. I love you. I have to woo you,' he insisted and she realized he was actually holding her up. Her own damn legs were jelly. She loved it when he said he loved her. It made her feel warm inside. Right now she was scorching inside.

'So please can we go out tomorrow?' she gave him an innocent grin.

'You trying to rush through dates?' he asked with a stern expression. Her hand went instinctively to his cheek.

'You know there is such a thing as pillow talk,' she placed a soft kiss on his lips.

'Can't get out of dating me that easily Potter. I've wanted this for a long time and I will not be cheated out of dinner and a movie, bowling, and cooking for you. And unfortunately I am working tomorrow. I have the late shift.'

'So, we could go for breakfast?' she suggested coyly. 'Or I could just stay over and you could cook me breakfast?' She must sound desperate, she knew that but she couldn't help it. She wanted to be with him all the time. When her feelings for him had changed was hard to pinpoint. He'd told her he fell for her in the run up to senior year. She supposed she'd been attracted to him then, definitely there had been something, why else did they stay in such close contact when she went to college and yet she and Dawson hardly spoke. Funnily enough she thought it was his emails. She fell in love with her long time nemesis, best friend, online. How crazy. But he made her laugh and he made her feel good about her self. He put her first, always. He was sexy, caring, kind, and funny - what was not to love. But it was more. He wasn't just all those things, he was something extra. His own insecurities just made him understand hers all the more. He understood her and he loved her, flaws and all.

'Hmmm, you know I'm a weak man Jo. I can't say no if you want to stay over, not when I want you there so badly, but no funny business,' he stated and she knew her face just fell. He chuckled, 'well lots of funny business but no sex, and yeah I'll cook you breakfast.'

'I like the sound of that,' she kissed his nose.

'The funny business or the breakfast?' he teased.

'Both,' she said and then flushed red when she thought of both together.

'Now what naughty thought just popped into your head?' he whispered in her ear.

'Mmmm,' she shared and smiled, 'it was a good thought. You're not the only one with fantasies.'

'I should hope not,' he kissed her. Kissing Pacey felt so good, so god damned good.

'Lets go get some food Pace, I'm hungry and strangely tired,' she smirked.

'Oh I'll bet you are,' he laughed and retook her hand as they skated off the ice.

* * *

Pacey was looking at her kind of seriously as they sat in the bar the following evening. They'd had a few drinks, played some pool and had been laughing a lot, as they chatted and teased, when suddenly he'd turned all serious. It was funny, the Joey of years gone by wouldn't have thought she could have fun in a bar, but Pacey made it fun. They'd even managed a dance - well more swaying to music whilst pressed as close as humanly possible.

'What's up? You've gone all serious?' she frowned.

'I was thinking about New York, me there at the fire station and you there at the publishing company.'

'Ok,' she smiled, 'that's not bad is it?'

'Not bad at all. Great actually - you know that. You also know I love you?' She nodded 'and you're truly, madly, deeply in more than like with me?' he looked at her and it was obvious he was nervous.

'Yeah...I love you Pacey,' she told him and actually having said it aloud she realized that saying it wasn't nearly as scary as she thought it would be, especially not when he rewarded her with a huge grin.

'Well, I'd love it if we were going to live together,' he said the words hurriedly and she slumped back in her chair, her fingers still entwined with his. It wasn't an invitation, she didn't think that, more a statement of desire, or intent. But still. Live with Pacey? Well it didn't sound like a bad idea but what about dating? Surely they aught to date first. It would be exciting have him turn up to take her out. Getting ready without him there. She was kind of looking forward to all that. But to live with Pacey? That man across the table from her? The only man to ever effect her so much in every way? There had to be a solution.

'No,' she burst out and shook her head, hating the slump in his demeanour but he straightened up pretty quick.

'Thats fine, it was just an idea,' he stated. 'I mean...'

'No, I mean, yes but maybe not yet. I do want to date you first Pace. I want to get ready for dates with you without you there, you know choose clothes I think you'll like, put on a bit of make-up, surprise you. I want to switch it up - stay at your place, then mine. I want to have you turn up at my door when I least expect it. Then I want to live with you. God, do you have any idea how hard it is to say no? How much I want to say yes?'

'Hopefully it's really hard and you desperately want to say yes,' he smiled.

'Yep,' she nodded. 'I just...' she trailed off inwardly cursing Pacey's ability to make her say just what she was thinking. And Joey knew exactly why they had to date. They had to date because she planned on Pacey being her last boyfriend.

'It feels like you have more to say,' he said it gently, his thumb smoothing over the skin on her hand.

'You'll think I'm crazy,' she shook her head.

'Nothing would make me think that, come on Jo, this is me, the guy who's loved you your whole life one way or another.'

'You have not,' she admonished, blushing all the same and unable to hide her smile.

'Well I used to love to fight with you, that's gotta count for something,' oh he was charming she'd give him that.

'You hated me for stealing Dawson,' she chided.

'I hated you for being stolen by Dawson. Oh he used to drive me crazy with his whole want you, doesn't want you business. Good god look at you - such a fool. And your passion, wow, pretty fun to be around.'

'You know I think you're crazy,' she leant across the table and kissed him.

'Crazy for you. Crazy in love with you.'

'It would be really great to live together in New York,' crazy or not she loved him.

'So why say no?' he pleaded and encouraged, 'we could have so much fun, so much sex,' he gave her a waggle of his eyebrows and she laughed.

'Ok, ok, I'll embarrass myself,' she was already blushing, she could tell. Damn Pacey and his persuasiveness.

'I'm listening,' he leant toward her.

'I want to date you without living with you because, well because I hope that I never have to date again, and if that's the case, well I want my last experience of dating to be as good as it promises to be with you,' she trailed off flushing and he sat back letting out a low whistle.

'I don't plan on dating ever again either so I think you make an excellent point. I plan for you to be my last girlfriend.' Hah, he said it, the phrase she'd been thinking. 'We're on the same page here Jo,' he reassured. 'Don't ever doubt that. When it comes to you and I, never be insecure. I'll always want to talk to you even when I'm in a bad mood, I'll always want to see you, even when I say I don't, and I'll always want you, you know physically. I joked about it before but really I am ass backward in love with you and have been for years. Anything you can and do say that leads me to believe you feel the same, well I consider it extremely good news.'

'Your last girlfriend, huh?' she smirked. Well he was fun to tease, what was a girl supposed to do. He'd have made fun of her.

'Now don't go teasing me,' he protested.

'But then where would we be? I was born to tease you.'

'You can be my last girlfriend sooner than you think,' he hinted.

'Actually I have it on pretty good authority that that's just not going to happen.'

'You're hard work,' he grumbled.

'Actually we went over this at the ice rink the other day, I'm easy when it comes to you.'

'Joey,' he groaned and she adored the look in his eyes, liquid desire, his gaze boring into her.

'You're the one that says we have to date before we can be...you know, be intimate.'

'Actually you said we have to date,' he countered and she cursed herself again.

'It seemed like the proper thing at the time.'

'The proper thing?' he teased.

'Yeah, you know, not to jump into bed with you immediately.'

'You kind of did jump into bed with me,' he grinned and she laughed.

'Actually we fell and that's moot, I mean sex, not bed.'

'Well I happen to agree with you, or the you of five days ago. I think we should wait.'

'Pacey Witter, friend to women, wants to wait to have sex with a girl who's both willing and able, in love with him, and um his girlfriend?' she giggled surprising herself.

'Yeah I think we should,' he was staring at her in that way, the one that made her weak at the knees and the need to tell him she loved him bubble up.

'Why?'

'Because, like you said, it's proper,' he said with a shrug, 'and I plan on doing this properly. I'm so relieved there is a this, so happy, I'm not fucking up. No,' he shook his head so determinedly.

'I love you,' she said and then smiled, 'and I'm not a person that says that a lot, or well really ever, so just know it's true and when you know best, don't give in, but also, please don't make me wait to long.'

'You know if we'd dated back in high school I bet you'd have made me wait months.'

'Trust me, with the skill of your hands and mouth,' she flushed, 'not a chance.'

'You were different back then,' he argued and she rolled her eyes,

'Ok so I'd have made you wait, but trust me we'd have done it in the end.'

'Are you sure you wouldn't have regretted it though. You and Dawson were mighty entwined back then.'

'Not after we dated,' she protested but he arched his brows, 'well ok, so a little in junior year. But after the ice house burned down and my dad, well, no.'

'So you wouldn't have felt guilty?' he prodded and she felt irritated. What was Pacey's glitch with Dawson the whole time?

'I may have felt guilty, but not because of why you seem to think,' she growled.

'And what do I think?' he was staring at her hard.

'Firstly, this conversation is absurd because none of it happened and I didn't lose my virginity to you or Dawson, rather some college idiot I refer to in my head as _Jerk Off, _that got me drunk. That said, I think you believe I'd have felt guilty because I always assumed Dawson would be my first and he assumed the same.'

'Some guy got you drunk?' Pacey looked angry.

'One argument at a time Pace,' she glared at him.

'Fine, so you're saying that's not true?'

'It doesn't matter what I assumed at thirteen or even fifteen. If I'd lost my virginity with you, it would have been because I wanted to and make no mistake. I'd have felt guilty for breaking Dawson's heart, yeah, especially the seventeen year old me, but I doubt I would have regretted it for a second.'

'So we can conclude I'm an ass,' he stated and she laughed despite the tendrils of anger she still felt.

'Yes we can. Let Dawson go Pace. It's nothing. I bet you convinced yourself of that over the last year at least when you were building up the courage to not quite kiss me...'

'Harsh Potter.'

'Well it's true. Dawson and I are old friends, and that's it.'

'Ok, I'm sorry,' he stated and squeezed her hand. Her heart contracted - the guy could actually apologize - how rare!

'It's ok,' she said.

'Now about some idiot getting you drunk?' he scowled and her heart sank.

'We were dating, he just assumed I was more experienced than I was. He didn't even realize he'd done anything wrong.'

'I hope you told him?' Pacey looked furious, his eyes intently on her.

'I did. Now _Jerk Off _I regret. See - there are a lot worse situations than you and I having sex, now or back in high school.'

'Yeah,' he agreed. 'I'll make it good I promise.'

'I have no doubt,' she smiled.

'So, do you want to head back to mine? We could walk my dog, watch a movie and sleep, you know just sleep.'

'Walk your dog?' she arched her brows and looked pointedly at his crotch and he laughed,

'No my actual dog you floozy.'

'Aaah Burt,' she asked. 'He must have missed me when you worked last night.' She grinned. Pacey hated that the dog adored her more than him. Well she didn't think he hated it, was just a little put out.

'Oh he missed you.'

'Really?' She grinned.

'Yeah, sits by that picture I have of you and whines.'

'Is this you or him?' she teased.

'Haha, so droll miss Potter. I don't exactly whine when I look at that photo,' he grinned and she laughed.

'Ok, enough. They let him come to work with you?' she asked. She'd seen dogs at fire halls often enough, she figured they might.

'Now he's stopped chewing the hoses, yeah,' he smiled and she smiled back.

'Lets go. Being out in public does not allow for enough proximity.'

'Hussy,' he whispered.

'You're one tarty nickname away from an ex-girlfriend.'

'Don't be such a fickle mistress,' he said blithely and pulled her from the bar by their entwined hands.

* * *

'I'm going crazy Jen,' Joey complained, flopping backwards on her friends bed.

'In what way?' Jen asked with a laugh.

'Pacey...well he's making me crazy. On Boxing Day he took me ice skating, then for dinner, we hung out the day after, then we went ice skating again, I stayed over, then to a bar last night, then home to his. We walked his dog, then watched a movie, fooled around and slept in his bed together again ..'

'So at the ice rink, that was that when he made you, you know what? You must want him a lot.' Jen smirked and Joey blushed. She really had to stop telling Jen, every little detail.

'Yeah that was when.'

'And you've stayed over twice now?' Jen sat down on the bed, far more interested.

'Not how you think,' Joey rolled her eyes, 'the guy will not have sex with me,' she grumbled. 'Even this morning we have breakfast and well, we fool around, and I begged him. Jen, I'm now begging him for sex, but he says not until we've dated a bit. Why? Why is he torturing me?'

'Maybe he's trying to let you know he's serious about you?' Jen suggested.

'I know he's serious about me,' Joey frowned heeding Jen's words. 'I mean he says he loves me. I _know_ he loves me.'

'And he's definitely in to it? You know the sex stuff?'

'Umm yeah,' Joey had no doubt about that. The guy wouldn't leave her alone, and he seemed to have a constant hard on. He was clearly into it.

'Ok. So my conclusion,' Jen stated.

'Spill,' Joey encouraged.

'He's scared.'

'Scared?'

'Yes.'

'Of what?' what on earth did Pacey have to be scared of? She loved him and he must know how exceedingly good at all intimate things he was.

'I don't know.'

'Well that's no help,' Joey grumbled.

'Why do you think?'

'Why do I think what? That he won't have sex or that be's scared?'

'Both,' Jen asked.

'If he's scared it's because he doesn't want to mess up. He's told me how important this is to him. How he can't wait until we're in New York together. I think Pacey worries about messing things up, about sabotaging his own happiness.'

'So why won't he have sex?'

'Because he's somehow scared it'll mess things up,' Joey suddenly realized. 'Maybe even scared that I'll regret it.'

'I think you're right,' Jen nodded. 'I mean it's classic Pacey. He wants something and then when he finally gets it, isn't quite sure he deserves it.'

'He's such an idiot,' Joey practically snarled making Jen laugh,

'I'm sure you calling him an idiot helps,' she stated and even Joey laughed.

'So what do I do?'

'Same as the kiss, take matters into your own hands and by matters. I mean...'

'I know what you mean,' Joey flushed. Pushing herself up into a sitting position she stared at Jen. 'I'm practically a virgin, I don't know how to jump a guy.'

'The guy is desperate for you, it won't be so hard,' Jen reassured.

'So what do I do? I mean it Jen.' Joey wanted to put the plan into action but where to start.

'I know,' Jen suddenly lit up.

'I'm listening.'

'That fantasy he told you about. When you're over at his and he takes Burt for a walk, stay behind. Put on his uniform and see if he can resist then.'

'Oh that's good,' she stated. And it really was. She'd seen him in full uniform after all, and that had resulted in all the begging at breakfast time. 'I'm heading to his after dinner, when his shift is over.'

'Perfect,' Jen smirked. 'I only wish you could take a photo.'

'Jen,' Joey protested but thought a photo wasn't a bad idea, as a little present for Pacey over the couple of months they'd be apart.

* * *

Joey felt utterly ridiculous, but she knew she shouldn't, not if she wanted to pull it off. She'd drunk a glass of wine - _fast -_ and had put on her sexiest underwear and was finding it absolutely impossible to get his heavy, stupid, sexy uniform on. Oh god, but she was pathetic. He'd be home any minute and she was just sat there in her underwear, with his uniform all around her. With the risk of looking rather pathetic she had to come up with a plan and fast. Then the thought occurred to her - he could dress her, make him cover her up. That would be perfect. So she lay down on his bed, in her rather wonderful black lacy underwear set and waited.

'Joey,' Pacey had come in from walking the dog apparently.

'Upstairs, Pace,' she called down and waited as she heard him climb the stairs and open the bedroom door. She smiled at him from the bed, especially when his eyes widened and he visibly gulped.

'Hmmm,' he practically growled and she was immediately turned on. God, she was an animal, it was borderline upsetting, but then again, it felt damn good.

'So I had something in mind for us to do,' she ran a hand oh so casually across her breast, watching as Pacey's eyes tracked it's movement. He took a step towards her.

'Mmmm,' another small step. She watched his eyes track all across her body, to her hand still resting on her chest, to her lips, and to her panties and specifically between her legs.

'See something you like there Pace,' she smirked as he licked his lips, and then she rather experimentally tweaked her own nipple. Hmmm, apparently that felt a lot better with the man if her dreams stood drooling over her, especially when he groaned.

'Joey,' her name rumbled through him.

'See I thought we could see how your uniform looks on me, only it was a little tricky for me to put on myself and so I need you to put it on for me,' she stated. He stared at her, stared at her so hard she could literally feel the desire roll off of him.

'Put clothes on you?' he frowned and took another step towards her.

'Yes,' she stated watching his eyes flick between her legs again.

'I could take clothes off of you,' he offered.

'No, I said put them on me,' she said rather bossily. 'What did you say, start with the pants...' she trailed her hand down her chest, along her stomach and off to the side of the bed before pointing.

'Ummm Joey,' he sounded kind of breathless she realized and she smirked to see the tell tale bulge at the front of his jeans.

'No taking off clothes, just putting them on,' she repeated amazed at her normally self conscious self taking such pleasure in the bravado.

'Hmmm,' was all he managed as he moved to the side of the bed and picked up his uniform pants. With another deep and obvious gulp he held them open, 'in,' he just barely managed to say his voice was so gruff. Joey smirked, she was undeniably turned on, but then again so was he. And whilst they weren't any nearer to having sex, at this point she wasn't really sure it mattered. Whatever this was turning into, well it was pretty special. She delicately stepped into the large pants. Pacey bent down and retrieved the waist of the pants and pulled them slowly up, allowing his fingers to graze her legs. Joey was surprised by the moan that came from her, especially when he dipped one hand between her legs, just fleetingly, and whispered it across her. He pulled the leather braces up over her shoulders and then smoothed them down, ensuring his fingers brushed across her chest as he did so. He stepped back and stared at her, and it was a completely wanton look. Joey tried to stay calm but her breathing was already erratic and she was totally ready to jump him. She reminded herself it was a long game. She had to resist.

'And the rest,' she looked at the ground. Bending down Pacey picked up his coat and slipped it onto her. It was huge on her and she loved that. Joey knew she was tall but Pacey made her feel delicate. Pacey pulled the coat shut, his hands connecting with her wherever possible. 'Good,' she smiled at him, what she hoped was a sultry smile. Now she was all trussed up and he was looking at her like he was about to pounce, what should she do? She wished she was better at all this but Pacey normally led and she followed, _oh so willingly_. Jen would know what to do, but she wasn't Jen. She'd made out with boys, she'd made out with Pacey intensely, but one drunken night of sex with a college boy who stuck to the missionary position meant she was slightly out of her depth. What was it Pacey had said, that this fantasy was all about what she would do. So she needed to act. What did she want to do? Her eyes flicked to his crotch, oh she knew. She took a step toward him and reached out a hand running it down his chest, all the way to the front of his jeans. She squeezed him gently and he groaned, and apparently broke because he literally threw her to the bed and kissed her hard and furious, pushing off the coat, flicking the braces aside and biting down on her nipple. She groaned, holy hell but he was hot.

'Pacey,' she moaned his name as he proceeded to fling off the uniform all the while kissing her like he'd die if he stopped. Her hands somehow managed to find his jeans and she yanked at the belt and buttons and somehow managed to push them off him with her legs, all the while moaning as he literally tore apart her panties. He reached behind her and wine one impressive flick of his wrist, her bra came loose and he ripped that from her as well. She shoved at his t-shirt but he only took his lips from hers for a second as she pushed it over his head, his hand then plunging between her legs. He trailed a finger along her, but she knew she was wet and then he literally rammed two fingers into her and she cried out, how the hell could it feel so damn good, especially when his thumb began to work her clit and his fingers angled just so. 'Pacey,' she groaned feeling a tilde wave of pleasure build up in her almost instantly, damn him. At the moment when she knew she could come she pushed his hand from her. He growled in protest but she pushed him onto his back.

'I don't want to come like that,' she stated bluntly. She rolled on top of him. They were both naked and she could feel him, hot and hard between her legs. 'I want to come with you inside me,' she told him. He stared at her and she reached between them, grabbing hold of him. He groaned as she guided just the tip of him inside of her. Oh it felt good. It felt like she always thought sex should feel. Fulfilling, although that sounded kind of crass. But it wasn't crass. She loved the dumb guy, loved him in a forever way and the feel of him, nearly inside of her, well that felt about as perfect as life could get. His hands grabbed her hips and for a second she thought he might push her off. She didn't think she'd cope if he did that. Talk about rejection. But there wasn't any rejection. He pulled her slightly closer and she sank a little deeper onto him. His groan of pleasure was the biggest turn on and so she pushed her body down in one movement, until his was deep inside of her. Oh it hurt for a second, but not really, not compared to how utterly divine it felt.

'Oh god,' she could feel her orgasm building again and she wasn't even moving, the effect he had on her was borderline ridiculous. Somehow, in this first time of theirs, she'd ended up on top, her legs along side his, their body's chest to chest, his eyes looking at her with such love and lust. He ran his hands across her bare butt. She wanted to move, so she kissed him, mainly to distract him in case she messed up and then she moved her body, feeling him slide part of the way out of her, before she pushed her body back down again. Oh, that felt good.

'Joey,' he urged her with his hands on her hips to do the same again, and so she did. 'Feels fucking good,' he told her, and as always his words did as much for her as anything. She began to move with more confidence, his hips rising to meet her, his hands helping her. She knew she was going to come quickly, she could feel it rising up in her within seconds and she responded to the need with increasingly aggressive movements, aware of Pacey's laboured breaths.

'You're going to make me come,' he warned her, which was just what she wanted to hear.

'Hmmm,' she responded eloquently, slamming her body onto his and groaning furiously as her orgasm ripped through her. 'Fuck,' she cried as he pushed his hips against her a couple more times and then cried out himself, as he pulled her tight onto him causing a second orgasm to flood through her before the first one was even spent. His arms wrapped around her and he kissed her, and kissed her again.

'Love you,' he whispered into her ear and then kissed it.

'You don't hate me for taking advantage of you?'

'You took advantage of me?' he echoed.

'Using your fantasy to get you to have sex with me.'

'I'm impressed and a little relieved. I think I was a little scared of fucking up.'

'No fuck up,' she assured him and he laughed.

'I should say not. Do you have any idea how exceedingly hot you are?'

'Right back at you,' she stated and rolled off of him. 'I'm on the pill, don't panic.'

'Good. First time in my life I didn't think of a condom,' he wrapped his arms back around her, pulling her close, so they were face to face.

'When I decided that one way or another you and I would get it together this holiday I went on the pill.'

'You know what Jo?' Pacey was staring at her with intent eyes.

'What?'

'I used to consider myself a brave guy.'

'You are a brave guy,' she interrupted. 'You fight fires, save lives.'

'But I was scared of messing up our friendship, so despite loving you for years, I didn't kiss you, you kissed me. Then I know you want me, that you love me, but I'm scared of messing up this beautiful thing we've got going between us and so you have to move us on, in an incredibly creative, fantastic way I might add.'

'I seem to be your kryptonite.'

'The thought of losing you sure is,' he agreed and she smiled.

'You're not going to lose me,' she reassured.

'Well no, I hope not. And I'm going to stop being such a wuss. What I'm saying Jo, is I am absolutely willing to have sex with you as much as you want,' he said it seriously but there was just a hint of a smile and she laughed.

'Oh so generous Mr Witter,' she grinned.

'Seriously, anytime Jo. I even promise to be brave and you know, try and get you in the mood on occasion. You know, initiate things.'

'You do initiate things,' she rolled her eyes.

'Well I'll follow through,' he smirked. 'I'll definitely follow through. You know, I might be ready to follow through pretty soon.' He ran a hand down her side, resting it in the hollow of her hip.

'You've changed your tune.'

'We waited, we dated, and now we've mated.'

'That's terrible,' she protested, but smiled. It was actually quite funny, she conceded. 'Makes us sound like animals.'

'We are animals, just high functioning, and capable of enjoying incredibly good intimacy.'

'You make it sound so crude,' she found her nerves coming back over her. What she supposed was her prudishness. Luckily Pacey seemed to know her well enough to recognize it, because he kissed her softly.

'I love you Joey. There's nothing wrong with wanting each other like we want each other. In fact it's a very good thing. Don't worry about enjoying yourself, we're supposed to. And yeah, it's a little crude, but it's also driven by how much we love each other. We want each other so damn much because we love each other.'

'We also seem to have a lot of chemistry,' Joey didn't feel so worried anymore. Ok, so it went against her inner prude to want someone like she wanted Pacey, but it felt good and it served an excellent purpose - it sealed them together somehow.

'So, if we...I don't know, did that again...it would be ok?' he kissed her neck and pulled her hips closer to him. Apparently he was back to being turned on she noted.

'You could convince me,' she nodded.

* * *

'It doesn't take a genius to work out the plan was a success,' Jen rolled her eyes as Joey took off her coat in the quiet coffee shop.

'What gives it away?' Joey couldn't seem to stop smiling. She was half convinced she was going slightly mad - she was seeing the shape of Pacey's buttocks in the snow, the colour of his eyes in the sky, she was absolutely one hundred percent besotted.

'Oh I don't know, the far away look in your eye, the shit eating grin you can't stop sporting, the languid manner in which you're walking. I think it's stamped across your forehead "I got laid."'

'Good and proper,' Joey added and Jen laughed.

'That good?' she asked pushing a coffee across the table to her friend.

'Better,' Joey actually laughed. Laughed at absolutely nothing.

'Ok, so if he has you this loved up after one night he needs to talk to Drue. I'm not saying Drue is bad, but sometimes he's a little... self-orientated.'

'The way you talk sometimes you're a little self-orientated in bed,' Joey teased and Jen laughed,

'Well that might be true. So spill, you do the whole outfit?' she leaned a little closer.

'I couldn't get the damn thing on by myself, so I umm, well I was lying in my underwear on the bed when he came home and I made him dress me.'

'Ha, you're a cruel woman,' Jen clearly appreciated her efforts and despite doing a lot of blush worthy activities the night before, as well as that morning, Joey blushed.

'Well it worked. He snapped.'

'About time.'

'But I have a problem,' Joey sighed, still unable to shift her smile.

'You don't look like you have a problem,' Jen chuckled. 'In fact you look happy. Like really fricken happy.'

'That is the problem Jen. I'm so loved up I'm bound to make a fool of myself. I'm dawdling his name on every scrap of paper, on the boarders of the books I'm editing, even. On the way over here a drift of snow reminded me of his ass. I mean I knew I loved him, for all Paceyness, but this? This is a little overwhelming. I literally can't stop thinking about him. I want to be touching him all the time, I want to be with him all the time. How in earth am I going to cope until we're both in New York?'

'By imagining the reunion,' Jen quipped and Joey faded out for a second doing just that. Oh boy, she realized that was not a safe line of thought.

'Two months though,' she dropped her head to the table. It may have seemed like an over reaction but it didn't feel like one.

'Oh he'll visit you,' Jen reassured. 'And you can visit him.'

'I suppose,' Joey felt so conflicted. She was so full of this crazy loved up feeling and yet devastated by the overshadowing departure, which was January 1st, the next day. Then when would she see him?

'You can also do phone sex.'

'But it's him. I'll miss the sex, believe me, I'll miss it, but him. All of him. I told you, I think I'm crazy. I'll miss the little mole on his collarbone, I'll miss the hair on his arms, his eyes...Jen his eyes...'

'Ok, you can stop right there missy. I have never seen you so pathetically in love. Get a grip woman,' Jen reached over and mussed up Joey's hair, sure to irritate her.

'Aggh, I am pathetic,' Joey sunk into her chair, not the least bit bothered by her hair. 'Where's my feminism gone, huh? The love of a good man and terrific sex have turned me into a gibbering wreck. I would literally do anything for him.'

'Don't worry, the feminism and feistyness we all know and love will return Joey.'

'But I'm so loved up I don't even want it to,' Joey sunk her head onto the table again.

'He must be really, really good,' Jen mused.

'Jen,' Joey protested raising her eyes momentarily.

'Seriously, to have turned you into this,' Jen gestured at her friend, 'this sorry excuse for a woman.'

'Don't worry I'm sure he'll say something annoying soon enough and I'll Joey up, but this feeling inside of me, this love, I just can't see it going.'

'It's not supposed to you idiot. The idea is that we meet someone and that feeling just keeps on growing. You said you thought Pacey was it for you - the one. Well surely this just supports that.'

'Hmmm, yeah I guess it does,' and Joey was off again into her loved up world. Pulling out her cellphone Jen dialled the fire house. Luck was on her side and Pacey answered,

'Witter,' he stated.

'What the hell have you done to my friend?' Jen asked and Joey just smirked, still musing on Pacey perfection.

'What?' Pacey sounded confused.

'She's a love drunk idiot today,' Jen stated and Pacey laughed. 'I nearly dialled 911.'

'Please do, then I can come and see her.'

'And what? Call it in as, "woman melts into orgasm induced puddle," seriously Pace,' Jen chided.

'I'm not exactly faring much better on the whole concentration front,' Pacey admitted with an amused chuckle, 'it's not like I can think of anything but her...in my uniform, whilst I'm in my uniform. How am I gonna get through two months?'

'You two are idiots, just thought you should know,' Jen teased.

'Love you too Jen,' Pacey snarked and hung up.

'Your boyfriend is as love drunk as you.'

'He should be,' Joey mused.

'Excellent. Well I'm going to call Jack and Dawson, get them to meet us here so I can have some stimulating conversation.'

'Hmmm, you do that,' Joey agreed.

* * *

'Oh dear lord,' Jen groaned.

'Not pleased to see me?' Pacey smirked as he entered the coffee shop.

'Pacey,' Joey practically sprang out of her chair and even Jen had to laugh.

'And how is my lovely girl,' Pacey grinned down at Joey whom he wrapped in his arms and Joey felt her heart burst,

'Hmmm,' she smiled looking up at him with large doe eyes, oh he was handsome and lovely, and there in her arms.

'Jen here called and said you were missing me,' Pacey supplied with a kiss to her lips.

'I called Jack to come see us, I called you to complain,' Jen supplied helpfully.

'Aren't you working?' Joey asked, running a hand across his navy blue shirt. It wasn't the actual fire fighting part of the uniform but it still looked good. Really good.

'They sent me to get food. Apparently I'm being annoying. They also really want you to call through the fire hall.'

'I'll bet they do,' Jen laughed from behind them. Joey shot her a look,

'Pipe down Chachi,' she told her pointedly and then ignoring the conversation they'd been in the middle of proceeded to kiss Pacey. Apparently he was happy with that because he kissed her back.

'Don't worry, they'll be over it in a couple of days,' Jack stated slipping into a chair next to Jen.

'God I really hope so,' Dawson complained slipping into another chair.

'Well by tomorrow they'll have to be. I think we have to prepare ourselves for the smultsiest, innuendo ridden, make out fest of a New Years yet,' Jen reached over to Dawson and grabbed some snow off his hair and then did the same to Jack before throwing it at Joey and Pacey. Neither acknowledged her.

* * *

Joey was naked in Pacey's arms - _again_. She didn't mean for it to happen, but it was as if her body knew it wasn't going to see him for a long time and was hell bent on getting as much Pacey loving as possible. Her head would decide that she was innocently popping into the fire hall because he asked her to. She chatted with the guys, Pacey holding her hand, and yeah, he was showing her off big style but that was ok. It actually made her feel really warm and good inside. Of course he had to show her the truck, what tour is complete without a tour of the truck and the other guys seemed to know exactly what it would involve as they made a sharp exit and left Pacey to take her in the back of said truck.

'They know we just did that, right?' she panted, still coming down from what was yet again, truly perfect sex and an orgasm she was pretty sure the other guys heard.

'Oh yeah. One look at you and they knew I'd never resist,' Pacey concurred not in the least bit sorry she could tell. She thought to be embarrassed but it was New Year's Eve, and whilst he had the evening off, he was on duty at six the next morning. New Years was usually busy so he was lucky to have the evening off and she knew it. She didn't have time to dwell as he pressed his face to her naked chest and breathed deeply.

'I really don't want you to go Jo,' he looked up at her, 'I'm beginning to feel a little desperate here.'

'I don't want to go, but I don't finish up in Boston and the transfer to New York doesn't go through,' she loved that he didn't move from inside her straight away, even though they were in the fire truck.

'I know you have to go,' he kissed each breast, 'but I don't want you to.'

'Your idea of living together sounds better and better,' Joey mused, 'you promised a lot of sex.'

'We can still do it lots and not live together,' he chuckled and she pouted.

'You don't want to live together anymore?' she felt hurt.

'Actually I so enjoyed being convinced into doing this with you,' he gestured between them, 'that I thought you convincing me to live with you would be really, really awesome.'

'You pervert,' she whacked him with her hand, but it trailed uselessly across his chest.

'Now you've been to bed with me you don't get to call me that,' he teased.

'Say's who?'

'The guy who knows just what you like and don't like, and how you look liking it and...'

'Shut up Pacey,' she glared at him and he chuckled.

'Seriously Potter, we're unbearable to our friends and families, our work colleagues,' he added a little sheepishly, 'and I don't care because I love you. But two months,' he rolled off of her but pulled her back against him.

'You say that like you're not sure you can wait two months?' she frowned, feeling slightly panicked inside.

'Did you miss the hopelessly in love with you bit. I mean two months - it's going to kill me because I love you.'

'Oh that's ok then,' she breathed out.

'You don't care if it kills me?' he feigned hurt.

'It won't kill you,' she rolled her eyes.

'It might. Did you miss the desperate bit? I mean I'm addicted to you.'

'Jen told me to get through the two months, which will only be one month and then a couple of weeks because you're moving mid February, to get through it you just imagine our reunion,' she looked at him and he looked at her, an odd little frown on his face.

'Oh...' was all he said. 'I could probably get with that...but we have to act out every single reunion fantasy I come up with.'

'Pacey,' she chided but was laughing. 'Mine too.'

'And I will visit. I'll talk to the chief and see what I can do, but every chance I get I'll visit you. Even if you're at work and we only get a few hours together. Boston isn't so far.'

'And there's the phone, and skype,' she said. 'And email, don't forget emails.'

'Potter, I will write you emails until the day I die now I know I have them to thank for so much.'

'There's no outside noise and distraction in an email,' she stated. 'Don't get me wrong Pace. I fell for you in person, on the phone, in my mind but yeah, emails played a bit part.'

'I love you.'

'I love you to Pace, but I'm beginning to feel like I should really put my clothes on? What if there's a 911 call?'

'You come on a 911 call naked?' he told her optimistically.

'I'm putting my clothes back on,' she stated decisively.

'Spoil sport,' he smirked but handed her bra and panties to her. 'To be fair I need to get back to work,' he kissed her though and then kissed her some more.

'We are truly pathetic,' she was breathing deeply when she finally pushed him away. 'I was going to let you, you know, do me all over again. We have got to get a grip,' she sighed but Pacey seemed to have other ideas, pushing off her underwear that she'd just pulled on and sitting her on the seat. Dropping to his knees he kissed her, pulling her ass to the edge of the seat and pushing himself inside of her in one deep go. 'Pacey,' she moaned, thrown by the turn of events.

'I can't seem to resist you,' he defended moving in and out of her in long deep strokes that seemed to hit every nerve ending. 'I'll be quick, I promise,' he growled biting down on her collar and thrusting harder and faster until she couldn't think except for the building of pressure about to burst through her. She actually screamed when she came, his kiss muffling the noise as he groaned his way through his own orgasm.

'We don't do this again until next year,' Joey stated suddenly, 'we can't get through a conversation without ripping each other's clothes off.'

'But...'

'No buts. Everyone will be at yours and Doug's tonight and we will not sneak off. We will resist and we will have normal conversation. Our story has turned from a love story into a porno.'

'Can we kiss?' Pacey looked horrified.

'We can kiss,' she knew she would have to be able to touch him, 'and touch, but nothing that leads to sex.'

'You led us down this path of depravity,' he teased, pulling up her underwear for her.

'Me?' she looked aghast. 'I merely moved us onto the next level in our relationship, which you cannot argue we weren't ready for,' she argued. Joey knew the depravity was partly her fault, after all she'd pushed the sex thing, but Pacey was equally to blame, he was after all incredibly illicit in his thoughts and actions and oh so good at it.

'Yes, so it would be,' he stepped closer to her again, 'cruel to withhold it now,' he grinned down at her, his hands running down her still naked sides.

'Pacey... like I said, one conversation! We can't get through one conversation. If this is love, tonight the love must shine through!'

'You doubt my love?' he looked horrified he dropped his hands from her,

'Well no,' she shook her head and he grinned placing his hands back on her. 'But Pacey, we need to find a balance otherwise we'll realize we didn't speak for the last three days together.'

'Ok...I see your point. I hate your point, but I get it. I love you. I love talking to you. I love being irritated by you and even belittled by you. No sex until next year.'

'Stroke of midnight and I'm all yours!' she grinned and he laughed.

'Oh I'll be holding you to that.'

'Good.'

'Now get your clothes on Joey... Imagine there was a 911 call,' he shook his head with mock severity. Joey glared at him,

'Wow, did I forget to mention I _don't_ love being irritated by you?'

'You so love it,' he countered, buttoning up his shirt.

'I love you. Your irritating qualities I try to ignore,' she stated pulling on her sweater.

'Hmm, you've been so bothered by my character quirks lately,' he teased.

'I've been distracted. I'm sure they'll all flood back this evening!'

'Undoubtedly.'

At that moment someone banged on the side of the truck causing Joey to jump a mile and scream,

'Come on Witter,' his buddy yelled and Joey knew she must be bright red.

'See this, porno lifestyle is humiliating!'

'And fun,' he smoothed her sweater over her jeans for her, his hands lingering on her backside.

'And fun,' she conceded.

* * *

'You look beautifully edible this evening Potter,' Pacey pulled her in for a long hug and kiss as she and Jen arrived at his and Doug's place.

'Hmmm, you look awfully nice too,' she agreed, kissing him back just as enthusiastically, seemingly unaware that they were moving themselves away from the other guests and towards his room.

'Na, ah,' Jen grabbed at Joey's shoulder. Joey turned to glare at her. 'Don't glare at me. You told me, you and Pacey in plain sight until New Years, now go take a seat together and stop trying to get busy.'

They both stopped and took a step back from each other.

'Good,' Jen praised. 'Now take her hand and go talk to your friends and each other. Sex will still be there at midnight.'

'You involved Jen?' Pacey hissed as they made their way down the hall.

'Ummm, yeah?' she looked at him apologetically.

'Well damn, now we can't cheat. She'll never let us get away with it.'

'Thats kinda why I involved her,' Joey admitted with a lopsided smile. She was loving all the intimacy. It was wonderful, passionate, orgasm inducing and utterly addictive. Every time he was near her she was turned on and her thoughts were almost exclusively depraved. But as much as she loved it she wanted an evening of focus on Pacey the person, the person she felt so ridiculously, heart stoppingly in love with. 'Trust me Pace,' she implored and he looked down at her with those eyes if his and nodded,

'Always.'

* * *

Joey suddenly understood happiness. It had been a long time coming and had teased her with it's possibility along the journey of her life, but until that New Year's Eve Joey realized she hadn't ever been really, truly happy. Part of it may have been Pacey but that wasn't it in it's entirety. Pacey had given her the freedom to truly believe in herself and therefore that happiness was attainable. Joey had thought she'd be happy with Dawson when she was fifteen. That endeavour was short lived and brought nothing but misery and distress. Then she had thought finally getting out of Capeside would do it, and to a degree it did. She was happy with her success but not happy with herself. She was still closed off, she found it hard to open up. She hadn't had a serious boyfriend and then Jerk Off slept with her when she was drunk. College had been a great experience, but not what she thought it would be. Through it all she and Pacey had stayed in touch. She told him everything over email. He hated the guys she dated but she hadn't read into that in the beginning - Pacey had always hated any guy she dated, she put it down to overprotectiveness. Throughout the years he would tease, comfort, council and above all else encourage her to believe in who she was, not what others wanted her to be. Any guy meant to be with her, was not going to be scared off by her fiery temper, or her strict moral code, or even her bad moods.

Yes, Joey realized she was happy. She knew that she had found someone who loved her, not flaws and all, but loved her flaws as part of her. Pacey loved when she was unreasonable. Oh he might banter, and argue and call her on it, but he loved that she could stand up to people and up for herself. Oh how she loved him. She knew she was mushier than snow in 6 degree temperatures but she couldn't help it. Her insides were all gooey. She pressed her head against his chest and his arms tightened.

'I think Dawson wants to thump me,' he whispered into her ear and she laughed.

'He does not,' she shot him a withering look.

'No seriously, check out the look on his face. His nostrils are flaring.'

'Don't believe you,' she smirked but turned her head slowly to look at Dawson who was meant to be talking to Gretchen but was kind of glaring at them with flaring nostrils. She snorted her laughter into his chest. 'But he's fine with us?'

'According to Dougy, who heard from Jack, who heard from Jen - our inability to keep our mitts off one another is rubbing salt in the wound.'

'What wound?' she frowned.

'The soulmate one,' he told her sternly and she acquiesced to this.

'I suppose if I thought my soul mate was doing what we've been doing I'd be a little nostril flarey too,' she admitted and he chuckled.

'We better talk to the guy before the end of the evening,' Pacey said and she nodded.

'I suppose but right now let's just stay here,' she wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Popcorn landed on them moments later. They both looked at Jen but she was innocently talking to Jack and Doug, Drue by her side. 'Hmmm,' Joey murmured and leaning forward picked up a kernel of corn from Pacey's collar bone with her tongue. He groaned and looked at her pointedly. 'I was hungry,' she defended.

'Tell me Jo, this little deal we have tonight. Do you regret having sex? Should we have waited until we were both in New York?' the words were said quietly but she knew Pacey well enough to recognize the insecurity.

'Don't talk crazy,' she managed to say. 'Do you want to know what I was thinking about a few minutes ago?'

'Tell me,' he pulled her closer, resting his forehead against hers for a moment.

'You and I have talked about a lot of stuff. We agree on the fundamentals, you know a women's right to choose, gay rights, anti hatred in general. We're totally compatible, but you know what Pace? Life with you is not boring because we can argue our way around the fundamentals and through the little stuff and it's exciting. But as well as exciting it's peaceful, we can talk about nothing much and I still want to be sat there with you talking some more. Life with you is thrilling and peaceful, passionate and loving all at the same time. You're my best friend Pacey, not my only friend ok, but you're the person who has always got me best, but never claimed to have me all figured out, or know me completely. I'm happy. For the first time in my arguably pretty tough life, I am so, so happy. Am I glad we had sex? You better believe it buddy. I just wanted to spend my last evening talking to my best friend and then spend time with my lover. I'm going to miss them both.'

'You are the best,' he stated and kissed her. 'And as we have established time and time again, I'm a dumbass.'

'Caring doesn't make you a dumbass.'

'No, true,' he grinned, then looked at her coyly, 'I'm your best friend?'

'Oh trust you,' she shook her head and rolled her eyes. 'Yes you dummy, not Dawson, you.'

'I like that you think of us as friends and not just more.'

'Just over a week ago we were just friends,' she defended.

'We haven't been just friends for a long while.'

'Jen says she could tell we wanted each other from the minute she met us. That our pointed banter and bickering was like foreplay,' Joey informed him.

'Really?' his voice gave a slight squeak. 'Hmmm, I though you were gorgeous but you irritated me no end.'

'Oh I irritated you? Come on Pace.'

'Oh sure little miss sunshine, all the angst was me,' he laughed.

'You were annoying and rude and perverted and oh so fun to fight with.'

'Yeah it was fun.'

'Still is,' she agreed.

'I'll remind you of that when you're in the middle of bitching at me,' he smirked.

'Bitching at you?' she was totally offended.

'Bet you feel like bitching at me right now don't cha?' he grinned and she whacked him.

'Nah, not tonight, though you term it as "bitching" again and there'll be no after midnight.'

'Wow, pull out the big guns,' Pacey responded glibly but his arms tightened around her and he pressed a kiss to her neck.

'It's banter,' she stated decisively. 'Didn't I tell you once that you have to read between the banter when it comes to you and I?'

'Hmmm, that you did,' he looked thoughtful and Joey wasn't sure she'd make it to midnight. 'I came over to see you after our little impromptu jailhouse stay.'

'Yeah, to tell me why I couldn't drive,' she rolled her eyes.

'Well no. I came to tell you I loved you, but it didn't seem like such a good plan when you were stood there in your pj's telling me you cared, telling me to read between the banter, somehow, it felt not quite right.'

'I wonder where we'd be now if you had?' she mused, an utter mess inside at his admittance.

'I was a fuck up at high school. If I'd told you and by some miracle you wanted me back, you can rest assured I'd have fucked it all up. Maybe not at first, but in the end.'

'What changed?' she asked.

'What do you mean?' he frowned.

'Well, firstly let's clarify - you thought you were a "fuck up," not I. Sure you messed up the academics but you have always been a great person. But now, you aren't mucking up life at all. I mean you have it sorted. Great job, great move on the horizon, gorgeous dog...'

'Love of a good woman,' he interjected and she laughed.

'Oh that too.'

'So you mean why so little motivation at school and so much in life?'

'I guess?'

'Hmmm. School was a bit of rebellion I think. All my friends were these over achieves, my family thought I was a waste of space and didn't hesitate to tell me so. Then I loved you, the worst girl in the world to fall in love with because you want me back and we both lose our best friend, you don't want me, I lose everyone. I was also a little cocky. I kept thinking there'd be more time to make up this, to make up that. I'm not stupid Jo. I mean I was lazy and arrogant in school, but if I'd worked I'd have done ok. I just didn't want my life to be one of laziness and arrogance. There are things I want to do, people I want in my life. I can't be sleeping in my parents basement at thirty.'

'Well you could, but it would be a little pitiful,' she teased.

'Now don't misunderstand me Jo, when I say this next bit, but you...you kind of motivated me.'

'Me?' she didn't see how.

'Well I never really felt worthy of you. I didn't push things back in high school because how could I compare to Dawson, Golden child? I mean I couldn't. I was nothing and I knew it. I've worked hard to be worthy of you, to be good enough for you and for my own peace of mind. Believe me, the idea of you is wonderful motivation,' he looked at her and Joey was aware she must look horror struck, but the guy could be such a doofus, such a hurtful, idiotic doofus. 'What?'

'You have always, always compared better than you think to others, especially in the ways that really matter and as far as worth goes? If you think that matters to me, you don't know me at all,' she felt a sudden distance erupt between them. And if she felt it, he must to. His expression was serious. 'I'm serious Pace. That's a huge misjudgement of who I am and what is important to me. I have never held my aspirations for myself up to others. I have never projected them onto others. Happiness in life is an inside job. Sure others can facilitate it but they can't dictate it.'

'Joey,' Pacey attempted but she pushed herself off his lap.

'Maybe it's time I went and spoke to Dawson. You know here's an idea, maybe I can make him feel like nothing, you know give him some motivation.'

'I never said you made me feel like nothing,' he protested.

'You may as well have,' she turned on heel and stalked off for the kitchen where in lay the alcohol. Pacey was about to follow but he was two steps behind Jen who glared at him.

* * *

'What's up Jo?' she asked following her friend into the kitchen where Joey was helping herself to a shot of tequila. Gretchen handed her some lemon and Joey bit down.

'Pacey's an idiot,' Joey stated and Gretchen laughed,

'So what's new?' she chuckled and poured them each a shot.

'Yesterday you were a mushy puddle of love for the guy,' Jen reminded her.

'Weather turned frosty,' Joey said icily as the three girls did another shot.

'What on earth could he have said or done that is that bad?' Jen rolled her eyes and Joey glared at her. Gretchen took one look at her brothers furious girlfriend,

'I'm with Joey, Pacey could have done any number of stupid things. I mean it must have been really bad to incite that wrath.'

'I'm not angry,' Joey protested, slumping down on the floor taking the other two girls and the tequila bottle with her.

'Could have fooled me Jo,' Jen teased.

'I'm hurt.'

'Which is way worse than angry,' Gretchen filled in.

'Way worse,' Joey concurred and poured three more shots.

'What did he do? And before you get so drunk you can't listen to our words of wisdom on the subject.'

'He told me I was his motivation for self improvement. That he felt like nothing and he had to be worthy of me.'

'Implying...' Gretchen hinted,

'Implying I made him feel like nothing and worth is somehow paramount to me, that you have to be successful to be considered by me. I loved that stupid idiot even when he was actually a stupid idiot. You love the person not the success and you hope that the person gets the success they deserve.'

'Awww Jo, he didn't mean you made him feel like nothing, I'm sure,' Jen beseeched, 'just that he wanted to be the best version of himself for you.'

'That wasn't how it sounded.'

'Trust me Joey, my brother needed motivation. Self esteem didn't run very high in our house, a little expectation laid at our feet went a long way to creating a little self belief. He probably meant that. We all knew back in school that Pacey had potential, the problem was not many people expected him to meet it. He didn't expect to meet it because it didn't seem real. You liking him, and he knew you liked him, well he started to feel that he might have some potential and you were something that made working to reveal that potential worth it.'

'Oh you're as bad as he is,' Joey grumbled. 'Yes I get the first bit, but I don't want to be his motivator. He needs to be his own motivator.'

'He is his own motivator Joey,' Gretchen could get defensive of her brother, they all knew that and Jen pushed another shot of tequila in Joey's direction.

'Not the way you both make it sound. You make me sound like some idealistic person only interested in those who've proven their worth and that my approval is some prize to be won.'

'You're making it way to complicated,' Gretchen nearly snarled so Joey did her tequila shot aware that she was getting very drunk in a very short space of time.

'No I am not. He said he worked hard to be good enough for me. The dumb guy was always good enough for me and I'm not going to be cast in the role of the never satisfied girl. All I ever wanted was to escape Capeside and even that was a metaphor. I don't hate this place, I just wanted to prove to myself I could go anywhere and do anything if I wanted. Sure at one point in my life there was nothing worse to me than becoming a townie, but that's because of all the crap of my family, not because there's anything really wrong with it. I wouldn't have been happy back then being a townie because I needed to prove to myself I could get out, that I wasn't the same as my dad, that I had a choice. My mom was a townie. For gods sake. Surely not everybody thought I was a stuck up princess who wanted only academic over achievers?'

'I love you Joey, and you never have been and never will be a stuck up princess,' Jen began tentatively, 'but you did like your college guys.'

'I liked smart guys.'

'Well exactly,' Gretchen stated and Joey rounded on her.

'Pacey is one of the smartest guys I know. He always has been.'

'You didn't like townies and you went for smart guys, therein lies Pacey's belief that he needed to be worthy,' Gretchen summarized and Joey felt tears sting her eyes.

'I'm going home,' she stated.

'It's twenty minutes to midnight Jo and you're drunk,' Jen protested.

'I don't care. I want to go home,' and she grabbed her coat shoved her boots on her feet and headed out into the icy air.

'Pacey,' she heard Jen yell as the door slammed shut. Moments later he was beside her.

'So you're running away?' he looked at her with something she recognized as disappointment.

'There's no need to be disappointed in me Pace, I'm disappointed in myself.'

'What the hell is going on Jo?'

'To love me, I mean to love me the way I love you, surely you know me. But you know what it turns out everything one thinks I'm some lofty ice queen who would only deign to date individuals of certain class or standard of intellect. That one must be worthy to date me. Fuck it Pacey.'

'Fuck it, that's your solution? To just fuck it?'

'Yeah,' she turned to face him feeling defiant.

'But I don't want to fuck it. You took it all way to seriously. I felt like I was nothing because I was told I was nothing. You made me feel like I was somebody, that it was worth working to see what I might be because I might actually be something good. You gave me worth, maybe that's a better way to describe it.'

'Oh Pace, you do say the right things, and you do make me feel better, but I meant fuck it, as in this ridiculous argument. I don't care what people thought of me, or even what they think of me, only that you love me and I make you happy. So fuck it and stuff waiting until midnight,' and she kissed him, shoving her icy hands up his sweater and onto his warm body.

'Can we fuck it somewhere warmer?'

'I say fuck far to much since I started fucking you,' she smirked and he laughed.

'Ok, cleaner language and warmer temperatures and I'll aim to make you come when the ball drops.'

'Oh the balls are dropping are they, do they need some help?' she teased.

'You're quite the dirty minx these days,' he pulled her close with an arm across her shoulders, dropping a kiss onto her forehead.

'Hmmm,' she murmured her hands still roaming under his clothes.

'I'm sorry I upset you,' he said, 'I can see why it upset you with how I said it. I'll mess up again Jo. I say stupid stuff in stupid ways. I am sorry though.'

'And I'm sorry I huffed and got drunk.'

'How drunk?'

'You can still sleep with me Pacey. We're in a committed relationship and I've given prior permission, unlike Jerk Off at college, and...well I'll not kiss you goodbye if you don't.'

'Of course I'm still gonna sleep with you,' he rolled his eyes. He stopped at the front door. 'Before we go in,' he said and she looked up at him.

'Yeah?'

'Your hand is down my pants and as nice as that is, and it's truly wonderful, let's get to my room without it there,' he gave her a grin and she moved her hand around his body until it was on his ass. She then pulled it out a little and bit her lip,

'Better?'

'No, but there's people in there we've got to make it past,' and he pushed open the door. 'Straight for my room,' he whispered in her ear, nipping at her lobe. Joey's whole body set alight. Whether it was a nerve ending linking her ear lobe with her groin, or merely anticipation Joey suddenly needed Pacey and she needed him now.

'I don't care what you two say, you said not to let you do it until after midnight,' Jen blocked their way.

'We're going in there Lindly and you can't stop us,' Pacey stated boldly.

'You tell her Pace,' Joey encouraged.

'Nope,' Jen crossed her arms blocking the doorway.

'Seriously Jen, get out of the way before I jump him in front of everyone here. I mean it, do not mess with me. I am drunk and I'm the freaking ice queen, so move out the way,' Joey didn't shout but she left no room for argument and was pleased to see Jen smirk then head back to Drue. 'Get in there and get naked,' she ordered, slamming the door behind them and pulling her clothes off and throwing them around the room. 'I want you inside me,' she sing songed looking at his beautiful behind as he did her bidding and removed his clothes. He chuckled, a sound which died when she sank to her knees and bit his ass, hard.

'Joey,' he cried and swung around.

'I'm sorry,' she stared up at him with doe eyes aware that his erection was awfully close to her lips, and what a mighty fine one it was. 'It was there and it was bare, and oh so rare. I couldn't resist,' she flicked out her tongue and made contact with just the tip of his cock and then continued to look at him innocently. He stared down at her, his breathing laboured, his t-shirt half on and half off, his expression one of stunned disbelief, as if he didn't quite understand what she'd done. Well that was no good. She leant forward slightly and ran her tongue from base to tip. His groan was music to her ears. They continued to stare at one another, clearly at an impasse as to the next move. Joey knew it was hers, whether Pacey knew or even cared. Leaning toward him again she swirled her tongue around the tip of his cock, then putting one hand on the base took as much of it into her mouth as she could, kissing and licking and generally treating it like the delicious item it was to her. A string of muttered expletives, terms of endearment and nonsensical nothings poured from Pacey's lips as he sank to the edge of the bed and she moved between his knees.

She knew when he was about to come, it was so obvious, his breathing was laboured and he'd started to thrust toward her and so she stopped, pushed off her underwear, she climbed on his lap and sank onto him, in one deep movement. One single curse escaped his lips as she moaned loudly at the feel of him inside her her. She squeezed her legs together and they both moaned. She pulled her body up until he was nearly completely out of her and then she sank down onto him again, slow and hard. Again an expletive. She repeated and repeated. Oh it felt divine, every movement brought her closer and closer, his large hands on her hips helping her, his continued foul language, the loss of control as he bucked up into her, until they both cried out, the orgasm tearing through them so furiously they collapsed back on his bed slightly stunned.

'Well drunk sex with you is good,' Pacey appraised at length, in a dead pan voice.

'Good?' she muttered from on his chest clamping her inner muscles around him where he was still inside her. Another expletive.

'The list if synonyms for good includes stupendous, wonderful, exceptional, suburb...I mean good god woman, I think you made me black out,' he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she smiled.

'Well it's time to man up Pace. One minute to midnight. You said you'd make me come when the ball dropped. You were early.'

'I'm up for a challenge,' he laughed.


End file.
